Babies and Toddlers - Styles of Parenting

Do parents and their styles of parenting affect their children? Or are children born hardwired and no matter what the parents do the child will turn out the same? These are some of the questions asked by researchers several years ago. Famous theories from Piaget and Erikson came from people asking these questions. Through the years researchers have found that both the parents’ parenting and the children’s temperament affect how the child develops and grows. This article is focused on the styles of parenting and how they affect children’s growth and development.

Researchers have combined and categorized parenting styles and have come up with four main styles. These styles are; Uninvolved/Neglecting, Indulgent/Permissive, Authoritarian, and Authoritative.

Characteristics of Uninvolved/Neglecting Parenting Style

Doesn’t respond to child’s needs.
Parent centered style of parenting.
Uninvolved in child’s life.
Not committed to being a caregiver beyond the minimal effort.
Doesn’t get emotionally involved with children.
Tries to avoid inconvenience (doesn’t want to explain things to children).
Responds to easy and immediate demands but makes little effort in long-term goals (homework goals, etc.).
Doesn’t follow through with anything they ask children to do.

Why are these parents neglectful?

These parents often have other pressures and stresses in life. Sometimes the cause is because of poverty or health problems. They don’t have the energy to put forth an effort to care and pay attention to their children.

Affects on:

Younger children

Lack participation and play.
Angry.
Don’t get along with others.
Attachment difficulties – clingy.
Not compliant.
Demanding and disruptive.

Older children

Lack achievement.
Don’t do their homework because their parents don'k make them.
Lack long-term goals.
Delinquent and impulsive under controlled behavior.

Adolescents

Poor intellectually.
No self-esteem.
Don’t perform well in social situations.
Attachment difficulties.

These problems could also magnify tremendously leading to drug and alcohol abuse as well as huge drops in achievement.

Characteristics of Indulgent/Permissive Parenting Style

Concerned with their children.
Give children a lot of love.
Accepting of what their children do.
Communicative.
Avoids imposing controls and asserting authority.
Sets very few limits.
Lacks enforcement when do set limits.
If the children keep persisting, they know their parents will cave in.
Overly tolerant and accept all kinds of bad behavior.
Lets their children make almost all of their own decisions.
Expects their children to learn from their own mistakes.
Allows children to interrupt and annoy others.
These parents’ anger tends to build up and they lash out and explode irrationally.

Why are these parents permissive?

These parents may have low self-esteem or no confidence and want their children to love them. Another reason may be that they had parents that were very strict and abusive and they want to be the opposite. They may not know how to discipline or may be lazy. Maybe they didn’t have things when they were young. Perhaps they are wealthy or feel guilty about something, such as a divorce.

Affects on:

Preschoolers

Highly immature and want to get their way all the time or they have temper tantrums.
Difficulty controlling their impulses; they want it now or they’re asked to do something that was never before required of them, etc.
Overly dependent and demanding on adults to make them happy; they demand attention.
Less involved in classroom activities.
Disobedient and explosive when asked to do something that conflicts with their desires.
Lack goals.

Older girls

Most unhappy.
Low self-esteem; feel no one likes them.

Older boys

Passive – not assertive.
Dependent on others to make them happy.
Non-achieving.

Adolescents

Oriented towards peers and social activities; peers influence them more than their parents.
Go to school for social activities.
Decline in school orientation; no educational goals.
School misconduct.

“Discipline is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and a father can lead and guide and direct their children...Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him. If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do not care much about him.”
–President Spencer W. Kimball (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 341)

Characteristics of Authoritarian Parenting Style

Demanding and more parent centered; very controlling.
Gives consequence and follow through.
Unresponsive and reject when children assert with opposing opinion.
Expects children to accept and obey without questioning.
Little communication give and take; just command children.
If children don’t obey parents they are very harsh in punishments.
Based on parents needs.
Little room for children developing independence and self expression.

Why are these parents Authoritarian?

These parents feel that they know what’s best for their children. This style of parenting doesn’t require patience and it’s very easy. They may have adopted this parenting style from their parents; this was how they were brought up.

Affects on:

Preschoolers

Withdrawn.
Unhappy.
Anxious.
Insecure – scared of what others will do when they get mad.
React with hostility when they get frustrated; that’s what their parents do.
Less independence in thinking – just do what they’re told.

Older girls

Dependent upon others (social interactions).
Less achievement and motivation.
Less likely to internalize moral prohibition (moral things that are forbidden); they just don’t do things out of fear of getting caught.
Low self- esteem in relationships.
Submissive.

Older boys

High rates of anger.
Defiant and resistive towards adults; don’t like controls.
Low self – esteem; parents don’t care.
Less likely to internalize good moral values.

Adolescents

Internalized distress.
Anxiousness in school.
Don’t do well academically.
Low self confidence.

“There is a need for discipline with families. But discipline with severity and with cruelty, inevitably leads not to correction, but to resentment and bitterness. It cures nothing and only aggravates the problem.”

– President Gordon B. Hinckley (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, p. 418)

Characteristics of Authoritative Parenting Style

Responsive to children.
High expectations, demanding.
Permits freedom with in reasonable limits.
Firm; willing to oppose restriction.
Doesn’t yield to children’s attempts to force them.
High expectations for mature behavior.
Firmly enforce commands and follow through with consequences.
Warm and nurturing.
Listens patiently and sensitively to children’s point of view.
Takes a lot of patience.
Asks for children’s input in rules.
Uses rational and democratic approach; rights of parents and children respected.
Uses induction – “How would you feel if someone hit you? It makes me sad when you do that etc.”
Explains the principles behind the rules.

Affects on:

Preschoolers

Buoyant; happy; get along with people.
Content in their moods.
Self reliant in new tasks.
Self-controlled in sustained efforts.
Inhibit behavior that’s disruptive.

Older girls

Independent and achievement oriented.
Highly competent; solve problems.
High self-esteem.
Internalize moral standards; do for right reasons.
Know why they should be good.
Superior academically in high school.

Older boys

Friendly.
Cooperative social behaviors.
Highly competent.
High self-esteem.
Internalize moral standards.
Superior academic performance.
Low problem behaviors.

Adolescents

Excel better.
Gap between other groups widens.

“Use no lash and no violence, but approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned.”

–President Joseph F. Smith (Gospel Doctrine, p. 316)

Note: This information is from notes taken during a Parenting class taken in 2006 as well as from my own personal and thoughts and experiences.