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Researchers have found a few other parenting styles that don’t fit under the categories of neglecting, permissive, authoritarian and authoritative.  Two of these fall under the categories of “Psychological Controlling Parenting” and “Overprotective/Intrusive Parenting.”  These styles of parenting also have negative affects on the children and hinder their development.  This article explains these two parenting style, breaks them down into more specifics and explains the child outcomes of these parenting styles.

  1. Psychological Controlling Parenting
    1. Love Withdrawal
      1. Avoids looking at child when child has disappointed parent.
      2. Ignores child when child tries to get parent’s attention.
      3. If child has hurt parent’s feelings, stops talking to child until child pleases parent.
      4. Is less friendly to child if child does not see things parent’s way.
      5. Does not pay attention when child is talking to parent.
      6. “If you do that I will not love you” attitude.
    1. Invalidating Feelings
      1. Tries to change how child feels or thinks about things (“That doesn’t make you upset”).
      2. Acts like parent knows what child is thinking or feeling.
      3. Likes to tell child how to feel or think about things.
    1. Guilt Manipulation
      1. Tells child he/she is not as good as parent was when parent was growing up.
      2. Tells child he/she is not as good as other children.
      3. Lets child know when child has disappointed parent.
      4. Makes child aware of how much parent sacrifices or does for him/her.
      5. Says “If you really care for me, you would not do things that cause me to worry.”
      6. Tells child all the things the parent has done for him/her.
      7. Acts extremely disappointed when child misbehaves.
      8. Tells child he/she should be ashamed when child misbehaves.
      9. Tells child that parent is embarrassed when child does not meet parental expectations.
    1. Erratic Emotional Behavior
      1. Show erratic emotional behavior around child.
      2. Very impatient with child.
      3. Loses temper easily with child.
      4. Goes back and forth between being warm and critical towards child.
      5. Changes moods when with child.
      6. Doesn’t like to be bothered by child.
    1. Personal Attack
      1. Brings up child’s past mistakes when criticizing child.
      2. Tells child his/her behavior was dumb or stupid.
      3. Blames child for other family members' problems.
    1. Constraining Verbal Expressions
      1. Parent changes the subject whenever child has something to say.
      2. Interrupts child when child is speaking.
      3. Finishes child’s sentence whenever child talks.
    1. Child Outcomes
      1. Relational aggressive (attacking someone in relationship).
      2. Antisocial and delinquent behaviors.
      3. Doesn’t do well in school.
      4. Has withdrawn anxiety and depression symptoms.
  1. Overprotective/Intrusive Parenting
      1. Readily intervenes if there is a chance that child will fail at something.
      2. Readily steps in to help when child is having difficulties.
      3. Finishes the project for the child if child is not succeeding.
      4. Discourages child from trying new things if there is a chance child will fail.
      5. Tends to be overly involved in child’s activities.
      6. Tries to control much of what child does.
      7. Tends to be overly concerned about child’s health.
      8. Often worries that child will get hurt.
      9. Worries about the negative things that can happen to child.
      10. Fearful that others will not think well of child.
    1. Child Outcomes
      1. Low self esteem.
      2. Child is not able to make choices for him/herself.
      3. Doesn’t like to try new things.
      4. Under achieving.
      5. Learns helplessness.
      6. “I can’t do this; you do it for me.”
      7. Not assertive in making new friends.
      8. Less likely to take initiative in things that involve risk or failure.

From this article I hope parents learn how important their style of parenting is on their child’s growth and development.  They may not think they are doing any harm, that the child will turn out the same way no matter how they parent them, but researchers have found through a number of tests that parenting does matter and does affect children. 

Lastly, here are a few terms that parents should avoid saying to their children and the reasons why:

  1. “I demand respect!” – Children get confused as to what respect is.  Respect should be something you don’t have to demand.  It should be earned.
  2. “You have embarrassed me!” – Focus on behavior, not psychologically controlling.
  3. “I’m very disappointed with you!”
  4. “You should know better!” – Ends conversation and you don’t find out why they did what they did.  Assumes they’ve internalized the behavior.
  5. “You have lost my trust...I can never trust you again!”

Note: This information is from notes taken during a Parenting class taken in 2006 as well as from my own personal and thoughts and experiences.

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